Michelle's Blog

Our timing couldn’t have been better for the scene that unfolded on the sidewalk in front of The Ivy…Staci Amend and Baby Clementine Rose were waiting for us to arrive; once Joey and his car seat joined Clem in front of the famous white picket fence, we were made to wait while the maitre d’ tried to figure out where to put the party with two babies.  We stopped lots of traffic as everyone wanted to know if the babies were twins…no, we said, they are on their first date (Clem is the older woman by one month).  Then Martha Stewart and her bald consigliore exited the restaurant, and of course had to wait for their driver, stuck in mid-afternoon traffic on Robertson—a perfect opportunity for the stalkerazzi to swing down from the trees and exit from the manholes.  Martha put on quite the show, oohing and ahhing over the babes (her pr people must be advising her to be nicety-nice) I finally decided to ask for a photo (so tacky but it was for the babies, after all)  She posed for us, and even gave 2 little girls her autograph.  She looked very good—taller than me even in my heels, and very slender.  She could not wait to make a beeline into her waiting car to escape us all.  Then who should we spot standing by the tree in front of us, but Gene Simmons from KISS.  He politely posed for a photo also, and said to me, “You don’t look like a mother”; I responded with my overused Lifosuction joke, and he laughed very hard.  Another joke: What do Martha Steward and Gene Simmons have in common?  They have both slept with more than 50 women in the last year…

Oh yeah, Joey slept through it all.

Fun was had by all at CC’s most beautiful new home in Moreno Valley.  It was great to see old friends like Donna Logan and the other Clark Sisters, and John Gomez’ surprise appearance was very nice for Goddaughter Crystal and the Barcena Babes.  The real surprise guest, however, was the infamous Eric Von Knipe in his Lamborghini—I nearly lost it.  Thank you, CC & George, for a fabulous fete!

10:20 pm    Last nursing for the eve

11:00 pm  Oprah whines to go outside, Michelle lets dogs out—they are gone 10 minutes 

11:30 pm Mommy gets to sleep with Joey in her arms 

Friday

1:30 am Nurse Joey right boob

 4:00 am  Nurse Joey left side

 5:00 am Dogs want out again—it’s 37 degrees out and Oprah won’t come in til I yell “Pupperoni”

 5:30 am The Diaper Dance begins

 6:00 am Mom holds Baby until they both fall back asleep

 8:30 am The AM Shuffle begins again—Joey poops finally within 15 minutes

 9:00 am Nurse Joey with Regis & Kelly (Geraldo sits in for Reeg)

 9:15 am  Nurse Joey again—he passes out for 20 minutes

 9:45 am Another diaper explosion—thank goodness for the big boy diapers (Pampers Swaddlers)!!

 10:00 am  Joey falls asleep with a milk moustache after nursing

 10:30 am He’s awake again and wants to have attention

 11:00 am Feed him for the fourth time—now he’s really out

 12:00 pm  Awake again—diaper pee pee only

 1:00 pm  Daddy takes Joey so Mommy can do a load, pick up dog crap and take shower

 1:30 pm  Daddy tries to give bottle while watching Road to Morocco (he’s taken the rest of the day off)—he won’t have it—Mommy hears Joey and comes to the rescue

 2:00 pm Nurse Joey—afterwards Joey watches Mommy get ready (first shower in 2 days) while sitting in his Boppy

 3:00 pm  Nurse Joey –he passes out just when Daddy wants to take him on his first stroller walk (may be best as his outfit is pretty laughable:  Dodger socks for mittens, knit cap that is too big, and funny bunny slippers over his blue lion romper)

 3:30 pm  Mom gets out of the house to grocery shop and check out Lakeland Village for a wedding group; goes to Safeway

 7:00 pm Mom home—Joey has slept most of the time, and finished his bottle. Dad bbq’s rib eye steaks—Joey sleeps in swing the whole dinner

 8:00 pm  Mom pumps:  4 ounces from right, 5 ounces from left (you can get a lot of milk if the Baby would only stop sucking on you!)

 9:00 pm Joey wakes up long enough to smile a little and nurse some more—Dad and Joey pass out

 11:00 pm Mom goes to sleep

At Joey’s one month check-up, he had gained 3 lbs. and grown 2 inches.  He has some chub on his inner thighs, and is getting a double chin.  Now I have to check for neck cheese, toe jam and make sure to clean “imbaween” all his cracks and crevices—he is definitely a substantial baby, and my arms kill to hold him and try to do things with one hand.  I have stopped carrying him up and down the stairs in the cradle because it is just too heavy